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Urban Outfitters: Vintage without the smell.

Doc Martens: The best alternative to high heels.

Nivea Suncream: Le Eau De Holiday

Alfa Romeo: The most beautiful things are always high maintenance. 

Joop Cologne: Make-Up for blind people.

Bran Flakes: Regularity is the key to success.

Financial Times: FT readers don’t want you reading the FT.

Butterkist: Dramatic projectiles.

Febreeze: Escape the sniffer dogs.

B&Q: The quickest way up the property ladder.

B&Q: Because you need that security deposit back.

Selfridges: If you can’t afford the clothes, come for the food.

Santander Bikes: Kick your caffeine habit.

JD Sports: Travel comfortably.

Just for Men: Cheaper than a fake ID.

Aviva Pensions: Don’t have a pension? That’s Elder abuse.

Pukka Tea: The best thing since water.

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